Berenstein Bears and Too Much Hair

So I remember reading the Berenstein Bears books as I was growing up:

At first, there was just a couple books—the original one, where Papa effed everything up, then there was one on a spooky house and some such.

Fast forward to college, and I was babysitting some kids. They had tons of Berenstein Bears books—The Berenstein Bears Count Their Blessings, The Berenstein Bears Learn About Strangers, The Berenstein Bears and Too Much Teasing, etc. I thought, "Jesus Christ, is there anything the Berenstein Bears don't do?" I mean, the original books were just fun, with awesome illustrations, not educational.

Ever since then, I like to make up Berenstein Bears book titles and assign them to Life Situations.

Example

When my family gets together for the holidays, it's a small crowd. It's loud and vivacious and fractious and funny. Around Day Three, civil order begins to break down, and one wonders if one will ever have peace and quiet again, or if one's ears will ever stop ringing.

Result: The Berenstein Bears and Too Much Christmas.

Another Example

Last summer, Beloved and I trained for a century (plus five!) bike ride. After every long training ride, I would sigh and say, Berenstein Bears and Too Much Biking. Trust me, saying it never got old. Beloved might have another opinion on whether it got old hearing it, especially because he NEVER UNDERSTOOD what the hell I was referring to so I'd have to take him through the whole thing over and over. "Nonplussed" is what I think they call the facial expression I beheld at the conclusion of my explanation.

And This One

I have a serious hair situation on my hands. The century (plus five!) ride I referred to above was part of a fundraising effort for research on the treatment of cancer (you know, one of those "sponsor me for a good cause" affairs--if you haven't done one, you've probably contributed to someone who is). I was very motivated and inspired, so I decided to grow my hair out for Locks of Love. In the winter, I reached my goal length and went to my hairdresser to get my hair cut. But when I went in, my hairdresser wouldn't allow it—since I was engaged, he was afraid my hair would be too short for my "wedding hairdo" (whatever that may be) if I got it cut—so he just "cleaned it up" (i.e., trimmed it). But Beloved and I haven't organized our wedding date yet and long story short: my hair has been growing for more than a year.

It's way too long.

It doesn't look good.

It's driving me crazy.

I have to get it cut soon, wedding or no wedding.

The Berenstein Bears and Too Much Hair. Total.